You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
