I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
