Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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