Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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