the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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