you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I need moral support for this bender
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
