I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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