i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
