There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
