end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We need to get me chipped asap
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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