my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Drunk is a universal language darling
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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