So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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