That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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