Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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