guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
