Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
