69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
