i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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