Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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