just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
