i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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