If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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