You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
