if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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