Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
birth control should be required to get into college
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
