well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
