guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
