I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Boobs are out for the taking
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
