The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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