Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
