That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
