yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
