Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
