Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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