I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
