talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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