Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
