someone owes me an orgasm
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
