Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
