I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
