using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
