I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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