All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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