Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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