I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
