I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
