I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
