i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I am one with the molecules
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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