He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
