I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
