I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
