The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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