How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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