The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
