I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
